Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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