I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize