it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize