You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
