by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
