just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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