you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
