I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
