A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
