so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
