I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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