I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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