i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
