To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
