gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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