Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
