Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
