Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
