The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
