Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
