Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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