Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize