like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
my poor anus
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
