ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
