i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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