The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
