I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
