shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
