I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
