Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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