so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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