What a fucking waste of an outfit
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
