just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
