I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
