i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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