trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
