Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
