you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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