I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
