Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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