I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
