I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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