I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
