Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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