Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
