Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
