You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
