I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
