so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Come share oat with me in your robe
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
