when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
