After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
