I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
