remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
