I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
