instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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