the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How external is "for external use only"?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
