dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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