Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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