I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
