you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
