i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
