If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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