Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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