Just mADE A PArabola og urine
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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