we have pet lesbian snakes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
