There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he thought i was a dude.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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