Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
