If i come over, it means nothing
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
