this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
