In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
