Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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