things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
