yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
