i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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