You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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