A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i out mim tonsoeep
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