i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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